a thanksgiving carol.

I had a shitty Thanksgiving – and for that I am thankful.

my meal consisted of a horrible pizza – made with flatbread, melted string cheese, a few tomatoes and canned mushrooms

it was me, the old lady cutting onions, her son – the owner, and a pack of teenage girls in the corner sharing a Pepsi and playing games on their phone.

of all of the holidays I’ve missed out on, Thanksgiving is the hardest.

there’s seemingly no pressure [save for whoever’s cooking – but thanks to the invention of deep-frying, it’s become more of a humorous fire hazard than a cause of stress], save for who sits where.

there’s food and family, but no presents and no one getting up early.

a lazy day of gluttony and football.

tryptophan naps and whiskey – we’re all drunk – on one thing or another.

but I sat there pretending to read my Kindle,

wondering what friends were up to.

it’s a nice enough town – found a great bar tonight with good vinyl,

but in there were a group of older people who seemed to have known one another since birth.

one person would walk in, and then ‘yeah!!!’ would go the group – or whatever the equivalent was in Spanish.

I remember times like these, when the doorbell would ring and each time a celebration.

but no one knew me here.

and few would realize I’m eating alone on a lonely day.

it was shitty – but I was thankful.

back to the bar, maybe I’ll sit close to that group of people from my hostel – surely some of them are from the States.

I walked in, didn’t look at any of them for fear they might be on to my plan, ordered a beer and sat down.

they weren’t the people from my hostel, they were all Colombian.

so I drank and pretended to read some more.

what would be happening tonight at T&J’s house? man, we had a good Thanksgiving these a few year’s back. I think we cleaned the liquor store out of champagne that evening, didn’t we? I made a Breakfast Volcano the next morning that everyone still talks about. think that was the first time I tried Scrapple as well.

no one here knows Scrapple.

did I want a hug or to get drunk? I think both.

my nephew would be running around about right now – everyone in the living room. I wonder if that map of Ireland I got Mom is up? I wonder how long before the little man can point to it on a map? he knew who I was the last time I was there, no telling how far along he’ll be the next time we hang out. we sure had a good time that last trip I was home – he and I have a game now. I wonder if he’ll remember it.

no one here knows about that game.

I’d love to show them the video, but that might be weird.

I walked home – stumbling a bit. guess I was a little more drunk than I thought.

stopped in the square to have a cigarette and watch the boys do tricks on their bikes.

one of them was peeing on the statue – but I had no one to turn to to point that out to.

kind of a shitty thing, wanting to share but having no one but a keyboard who’s interested.

I went back and watched a movie. inhaled a chocolate bar so viciously that a lot of it got on my chest. classy stuff. got all teary at the end of the film, which usually isn’t a bad thing, but it was Cowboys & Alien’s for fucks sake.

I guess I’m lonely.

I guess I wished some friends were here.

I guess today would have been better spent at Mom and Dad’s.

I guess my love of drinking alone isn’t always that fun – not when you know for sure everyone else isn’t.

I guess it was a tough Thanksgiving.

but I guess it makes me realize what I’m truly thankful for.

so I guess it wasn’t that shitty after all.